When It Alteration Finds
by ShayChambers
Summary: After the turmoil of Eli during Spring Break, Clare has cut off all contact between them, her own mental holiday. They haven't seen or spoke to one another all Summer, but now they aren't given a choice, and it looks like Clare's vacation has been cut short.
1. Let Me Not to the Marriage

**Another short starter, just to get me... well, started! More coming soon!**

"_What?" _My breath caught in my throat. "But…" was all I could manage to croak before cutting myself off with a sharp exhale.

So focused on the Sonnet on my desk, there's surely a chance I misheard the words hanging in the air. I glance back down at the paper as if it holds the key.

_Sonnet 116_

_Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
Admit impediments. Love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds,  
Or bends with the remover to remove:  
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark  
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;  
It is the star to every wandering bark,  
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.  
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks  
Within his bending sickle's compass come:  
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,  
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.  
If this be error and upon me proved,  
I never writ, nor no man ever loved_

I'm not that lucky, and the thrilled voice chimes in again.

"Then it's settled! I've spoken with your English teacher from last semester, and she said you two made a wonderful team. Let's see if we can't get that magic back!"

My mouth agape, I remained non responsive as Mrs. Shaw strolled contently back to her desk at the front of the classroom that was likely now focused completely on Eli and I. I didn't check to see, I couldn't, I wouldn't. I felt Eli's eyes on me, burning into my spine. He hadn't reacted, not a word at the suggestion, or rather instruction, that he and I were to remain writing partners for the remainder of the school year.

After Eli's… _episode_, he was forced to retake a semester of English, and conveniently, we were placed in the same period, and the assigned seating, alphabetical of course, landed him directly behind me. The hopes for the new semester on the first day were quickly replaced with horror when what should the first sight be that I see, but those hauntingly familiar green eyes, peering blankly back at me as I approached the too-close desk. Day to day, the gaze shifted from blank to frantic, and I don't know which scared me more. A lot about Eli scared me lately.

I sat like a good pupil, quickly jotting down notes about the syllabus, important deadlines, projects and the like, until the release bell rang. The shrill savior had me on my feet half a second later, destined for the door, but the shadow behind me had a similar idea, and we collided, trapping one another in the doorway in the same fashion as we had when we were assigned to each other the first time around. This time, it did not garner a smirk, but instead another blank stare, and a simple, hushed apology through pursed lips.

"Sorry."

And with that, he was gone, headed down the opposite hall I was headed. The singular word sent a shock through my veins, and a smattering of goosebumps rose moments later. Some sickness in my mind told me to follow him, and as much as logic protested, I found myself straying from my next class, falling in step several paces behind the boy. Around the corner, he stopped in front of his locker, slowly turning the dial. I stayed behind an adjoining bank, peering around the corner to observe his non behavior, when I saw Adam approach him.

Always lively, he was going excitedly on about something I couldn't quite make out, but Eli was uninterested. He didn't even turn to acknowledge the smaller boy, his eyes just zoned, scanning the contents of his locker shelf as the words flew over his head. My forehead crinkled in empathy for Adam. I knew how hard he was trying, how desperately he wanted to pull Eli back to his side, but couldn't. For a fleeting moment, I had to admit that I had the same want, but mine could never be known. Of course I wanted Eli happy, healthy. But I couldn't subject myself to his show. I needed to be healthy too. He had to understand that.


	2. Of True Minds

Tuesday was a dark morning. It had been raining since late the night before, and the grey haze still hung in the air, which was unusually chilly for September. Begrudgingly, I worked myself out of bed, a sleepy grunt escaping my lips as my bare feet hitting the cold ground. I pieced together my uniform, and topped it off with a cozy sweater, not quite up braving the breeze just yet. Forgoing breakfast, I eventually trudged down the stairs, as ready to face the day as was possible, or necessary. Jake didn't look thrilled to be kept waiting.

"You look like you just got hit by a train." He snarked, arms crossed at the bottom of the stairs.

"Thanks." I groaned in response.

He rolled his eyes, turning on his heels towards the door and I played follow the leader outside. A few minutes of groggy, irrelevant conversation later, we pulled into the parking lot of Degrassi. Even with my reluctance to shed my sheets, we had a few minutes to kill before homeroom. As soon as Jake's feet hit the still wet pavement, he was beelining to a small seated clique of new friends across the lot. Going our separate ways, I walked into the building, readied my supplied for my class, and headed towards the room. Maybe I'd get started on our first project, maybe I'd sleep, I hadn't decided.

Stepping past the threshold, as if the day could get any darker, I found myself alone in the class with whom else but Elijah Goldsworthy. _Perfect._

The rain starting falling harder, careening loudly onto the roof of the building then. _Appropriate. _I considered backing out of the room and… well, running for my life in the other direction, but my surprised gasp alerted Eli to another presence, and he certainly noticed me now. I hadn't given myself much choice but to continue into the room. I clutched my folders tightly, half to calm the slight shaking I was now aware of, and when I got closer to my seat, to him, I saw that the verdict today was frantic.

"Hi." I rasped politely, awkwardly shifting into my seat and turning away from him. He didn't answer, but his eyes were wide and furrowed when I spoke.

_Was that wrong of me? Should I have left after all? Should I still?_

Before I could answer my own thoughts, I was pulled from them by a strange noise behind me. What started as a sigh, turned into a whimper, a gasp for air, even. I wasn't even sure what to call it, but when Eli made the sound again, my curiosity betrayed me, and slowly, I turned around to assess. Our eyes met briefly, and I could have sworn that his had become more frantic in the three deathly silent minutes that had preceded.

With a muttered obscenity, Eli rose from his desk, actually pushing it a small distance across the room and rushed from the room, brushing angrily against me in the process and losing the contents of his binder in his haste. I was too engrossed with the unfolding scene to call after him. After a long moment had passed, I scoffed, confused into the open room, and eventually, bent to pick up the scattered papers between the rows of unoccupied desks, just as the bell rang.

Soon enough the classes were filling and I shook myself from the oddity that was whatever had just happened.

Swallowing, I pushed Eli's desk back into place before anyone noticed, and resumed my seat in front of it, pulling out my materials for the class and putting on an excited face for the first day of our project, so enthusiastic you'd think I was out to cure cancer.

Every few minutes until the end of class, I checked the clock, and each time, three minutes at most had passed. Eli never returned.


	3. Admit Impediments

Five minutes. Three hundred seconds left of class and I'd be freed to the crowded halls. Ever since being partnered with the again-absent Eli earlier in the week, I'd become the class pariah. As if the antsy glances cast my way weren't enough, the class had seemingly deemed me deaf, and had no qualms about discussing-loudly- how this pairing would end up.

"_Next time it won't be a wall, it'll be her!"_

"_Didn't he kill a girlfriend already?"_

"_Wonder how the step-ex feels about them getting back together."_

"_Bet he wouldn't be so lucky the second time around."_

Each comment darker and sharper than the last. I didn't turn around, I didn't argue any of the gossip. It wasn't worth it to get worked up over, they were doing a fine enough job of that without my offering.

Just as the minutes passed and the bell shouted my release, I bolted out of my seat, anxious to be out the door, when I was interrupted by a soft, yet demanding voice at the head of the room.

"Miss Edwards, can I see you for a moment at my desk please?"

The class let out a wave of disparaging, accusatory "ooh's" as they exited the room, grinning at me as I reluctantly approached the "bench." I considered correcting her improper verb usage, but thought better of it. Apparently, I was already in a hole.

"Yes?" I tried to keep my tiny voice steady as my fingers fiddled themselves together in anticipation.

Mrs. Shaw leaned back into the spine of her chair, calmly mirroring my gesture, sans the nerves, atop her neatly organized desk. "Mr. Goldsworthy." She drawled. I checked over my shoulder out of instinct.

"I'd like to _talk to you_ about Mr. Goldsworthy." She specified, the bridge of her thin rimmed glasses slipping down her narrow nose. I gulped audibly.

"What… about El- uh, Mr. Goldsworthy?" The breath caught in my throat. Of course she wanted to talk about _Mr. Goldsworthy_ with me. Who didn't these days? It was as if we were a twisted entity now; like no part of my life could be discussed without his name being tacked on somewhere. It wasn't this bad when we really_ were_ together.

"The prompts were due yesterday. I see Eli couldn't be bothered to join us." I debated telling her that he had, in fact attended class, even coming in early, but somehow I don't think that following that defense with the fact that he'd skipped before the bell was even done ringing would help his case much, so I stayed silent and waiting for her point.

"When I assigned you two as partners, it was strictly an academic move on my part. I knew you wrote well together, but so far I've seen nothing." She took a pause, dejectedly exhaling down at her desktop. Would she reassign the project? Would I be safe from the frantic eyes and the chatty Kathy's now? The giddy relief bubbled in my stomach at the thought alone.

"It wasn't an excuse for you two to shirk your school work to spend time together. I was your age once, I know what studying entails to you kids."

My jaw dropped at her accusation. If it were anyone else, anyone, it would be embarrassing, perhaps, but never would it hold such a sting as this did. I felt as if I'd been slapped; as if the class were full again, oohing and ahhing and pointing fingers. She spoke with such certainty, but her claim was so off the map I could barely comprehend the words hitting my ears. I barely heard her suggest that Eli and I "buckle down", and nodded wearily in response, my jaw and eyes still wide. She released me from the room and I didn't hesitate to oblige her, walking like a zombie across the campus to my next class. In my stupor, one of which I was paying little to no attention to my surroundings in, I rounded a corner straight into an unsuspecting student, sending us both crashing to the hard ground.

"Oh, wow, I am so sor-" And once again my features were wide. And once again, I was faced with Eli. I quickly shuffled to untangle myself from him, collecting his scattered books and pushing them towards him before retrieving my own. He looked less frantic this time around, a bit too calm for comfort after seeing him this morning, but the serenity was welcomed over the tension.

"It's okay." He answered me in a low voice. Hesitantly I met his eyes. Not frantic, not blank. Eli eyes. The ones I knew long ago. A shiver crept down my spine, and I couldn't look away, afraid that if I did, I'd never see these eyes again.

He smiled at me then, a small gesture, but such a genuine one, and handed me a small notepad that I had overlooked. "Um, so, sorry for bailing on the project today. And yesterday. At all, really. Just been… distracted I guess." He said with a casual shrug.

"It's okay." I mirrored his words drearily.

"Right, um, I'm gonna try to get some of it done today if you want to tag along. I know I have a lot to make up for."

My brow instinctively crinkled at his words and I cocked my head as Mrs. Shaw's words returned to the back of my mind. "What?! No, no, I mean I guess I'm flattered, but this is just a school project, once it's over we-"

"At the library." He interjected, shooting me a confused look.

"I- right. You have… the project to make up. Right." I laughed uncomfortably, feeling my face flush.

"Right." He repeated, nodding slowly. "So… after school, just meet me in the parking lot. It's _not_ a date." He teased, turning and breezing away.

I should have stayed on the floor.


	4. Love is Not Love

**I'm sorry it's taken so long to update, but hopefully the long delays are over now. I have the next chapter at least planned out, so I'll try to get it written and posted as soon as I update Hydrangeas. Thanks for being patient!**

It took convincing, a _lot_ of convincing, before I mustered enough foolish courage to make my way to the parking lot after the final bell. My feet twisted a few times on their own accord, in the opposite direction, and as tempting as it was to let them lead me away, I knew I couldn't pretend that Eli didn't exist for the rest of the year. I had tried, of course, but I swear I could feel his breath on my neck during English class, could hear the anxious shuffling of papers, incessant at my back, and I'd find myself wondering what eyes he wore today if I was strong enough not to catch a glimpse of them before the daily lessons began.

"We're going to the library," I hissed at them while I ventured across the blacktop to CeCe's sedan, "So stop fighting me!"

"Do they fight you often?" The voice startled me enough to trip over the appendages I was chiding, and I fell onto my backside with a squeal, my books dispersing across the pavement. I heard the light laughter and I growled, but it didn't discourage Eli from leaning to gather my dropped supplies, holding them in a stack with his own before reaching for my elbow, pulling me back to my feet. I didn't have to wonder if the contact made me blush.

"You're a lot clumsier than I remember," he taunted. I looked up to configure a retort, but I was met with his damn near signature smirk, and I could no longer formulate words, gulping inaudibly in place of them. "You scared me," I rasped, reaching back to brush the concrete crumbs from my pants.

"Well I'm very sorry. Next time I'll wait for you to finish your conversation with your feet before so rudely interrupting." I wanted to be mad. If it were in my control, I'd have been livid, but he looked so human then, so unbreakable and warm that I had to avert my eyes anywhere but his, briefly scanning the lot surrounding me, searching for any scatter of mine he might have missed. Noticing my procrastination, he brandished the stack under my face, silently assuring me that everything was there, still grinning that grin. "You ready, crazy?"

"You're crazy!" I shot back in a thoughtless, middle school recant. His face fell neutral for a split second, but he didn't look upset, surprised if anything and just like that the smirk was back, and I hated it.

"I thought you figured that out a long time ago," he remarked, shifting the pile of books under one of his arms to tug the keys from his belt loop. I made it a single step forward before the nerves overtook me again; the thoughts flooding back to mind. The last recollection I had of Eli driving also ended in Eli crashing, Eli almost dying, Eli laughing maniacally and unhealthily, and then Eli's silence. My heartbeat peaked erratically and I was glued in place, staring in horror at the vehicle he was poised beside.

"Are… you coming?" He gestured inside the car, which I only caught from my periphery as my wide eyes were still locked at the could-be metal death trap. I shook my head, I thought. I wasn't sure if the movement projected to anyone but me, but he took a stride or two towards my frozen body either way. "Clare, are you okay?" The calm voice confused my memory, jolting me from the flashback playing on the plasma screen of my mind, the replay button stuck down in place until his words broke through the barrier.

"I wouldn't crash with you in the car," he sighed, keeping his distance. Finally able to shift away, looking him in the eyes, which still were not frantic, but by no means warm anymore, I hated that moment. I hated the smirk even though it was wiped clean, I hated how he could still read me, my mind, my body language and know precisely what pained and frightened me, even now, even after all this time.

"Yeah," I rasped vaguely, my throat feeling aflame. "Let's go." I swallowed my fear and pride simultaneously, forcing myself to the passenger's side door and thumping into the seat. I was overwhelmed; the interior smelled like CeCe and I couldn't not smile at the revelation. I really did miss her. I missed her and Bullfrog, and the house, and the Victorian furniture and old time radio, and Bullfrog's framed Elvis album, and the strip of doorframe from Eli's childhood home that they'd torn from the wall to bring to the new house so that Eli's growth chart would follow him. I was still smiling foolishly, wrapped up in the few small memories I'd been honored to be let in on, when Eli slipped in beside me. I didn't notice his presence, nor did I feel his eyes on me until his voice rang through the cab. "Are you crying?!" He implored, turning his body towards me. "Clare, seriously, I'm not going to drive us into a wall, we can walk if you're that scared."

"What?" I muttered hazily, unaware that a few nostalgic drops of salt had escaped me while I was peddling back through memory lane. "Oh," I whispered, swiping at the evidence. "No, I'm happy." I smiled mutely for good measure, but he looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. Staring in disbelief for a moment longer, he nodded absently before turning back to the wheel and starting the car, backing out expertly and pulling onto the main road towards the library. I tried to hide my ever-present nerves, digging my nails quietly against my own hands, scanning the road for lines and obstructions, but alert as always, he noticed.

"You wanna drive?" He snarked.

"I still don't have my license…"

"And I do, so relax, would you?" He turned from the road for just long enough to smirk again, and I hated it just as much then.


	5. Which Alters When it Alteration Finds

The brunt of the drive was engulfed in the heaviest silence I'd encountered in a long while, and one of which I've never experienced with Eli. One half of me was surprised he wouldn't just turn on the radio or pop in a CD, and the other was irritated that he didn't on my behalf. I'd never been able to tolerate the screams of agony that Eli revered as music; he learned that quickly while we were together and made it a habit not to subject me to it when he drove anywhere. Obviously I didn't expect him to allow one of my old mixed CD's to grace us in the cab this time, nor did I hold out any hope that any of them still existed, but for him to let the ride stagnate on in the eerie and painfully noticeable quiet was just torturing us both.

"We're here," Eli announced in a soft voice, almost as if he was reluctant to shake me from the daydream I'd slipped into. I hadn't noticed us pulling up and I was thankful for the interruption; I had no business letting my mind wander back to that place. I turned to him with a scowl so natural that even I was taken aback by it.

"I-" he croaked, likely a bit more taken back. No words formed past the stammer and he slipped out of the driver's seat, instinctively making his way over to the passenger's side which I was already out of. We stood cramped on the pavement for an awkward moment before he stepped aside, letting my sour being take the lead up to the steps. I did so, and almost tauntingly, he was at my side once more, tugging open the heavy handled door before my hand could settle on it. I scoffed at the suddenly sexist gesture that was never so heinous until that moment, brushing past him without thanks.

The gust of warmth from the library's cozy walls evoked a quick change in me. Somewhere subconsciously I knew my behavior was unreasonable, brash even. Eli of all people was never a deserving party of any heat, but suddenly I was overwhelmed with irritation, each huffy knee-jerk reaction or dramatic sigh occurring like second nature towards him for reasons that if they existed I couldn't explain. I filed away a mental note to lighten up and be the gracious recipient of any other _polite_ and _chivalrous_ gestures he may offer today if I hadn't already shot that horse in the face.

A few more slow steps inside, Eli in tow, I gave my customary once over of the familiar building, taking in the dimmed surroundings, the smell of the aged pages encircling the room, all the tiny details that no sane patron would likely heed any attention to at all. But that was never the case for me since I could remember. Even before I could read, it calmed me here, it brought me to a good place, and it wasn't until I cracked my first smile that I realized how long it'd been since I'd been here.

"Too long," I whimpered, accidentally voicing the sorrow.

"Since?"

I jumped at the voice behind me, having had been so wrapped up in my recollection that I'd forgotten about the body attached to the sound until the moment it boomed behind me.

"Since noth-" I snapped my mouth shut. My first instinct was to snap at him again, insist it was none of his concern, but I managed to catch this instance, averting the internal crisis before it began. With a gentle sigh, I started over, choosing honestly over defense. "Since I've been here," I all but whispered, my eyes occupied with the rows of banged up spines. "I don't even remember the last time. Must've been close to a year ago." I couldn't pretend that I didn't hear the edge of sadness in my voice; it was a sad thing to confess, a sadder situation to be found in. This building had once been my refuge. From my parents before Eli was in the picture, and many times even with. I smiled at that. When the fights got bad, Eli knew this was the surefire stop to cheer me up, even if only by a fraction, and would frequently drag me kicking and screaming until I gave in, even know we both knew how much better I'd feel once there.

It was no surprise that the two of us shared a penchant for literature. Though our preferences tended to vary –greatly, with one erring favoritism with the vampire works-, we could always find a good plot to debate, which was secretly more thrilling for us then a civil, mutual discussion, and somewhere down the line, it would spur into an all-out war, consuming out respective afternoons until it was the only relevant fight anymore. Even now I had to be grateful for the countless afternoons Eli had wasted on me; ones that almost always ended in him conceding, no matter how strongly convinced he was that he had the valid points. He'd rather me be happy than him be right. It didn't take me as long this time to notice the tears that had been welling behind my downcast lids, and were now slowly propelling down my cheeks, one sacrifice by one. Similarly, these were happy tears, a welcome change from the only expression I'd been capable of lately. But that knowledge was my own, and as soon as Eli noticed my display, he sighed heavily, his emotion not syncing with mine.

"What?" I asked innocently, perplexed by his sudden angst.

"Nothing," he hissed. So now it was his turn to snap. I can't say I wasn't deserving of it, but it really did puzzle me how abrupt the change came in him, and I was about to chalk it up to a side effect, or symptom of the disorder I wasn't familiar with, when he laughed.

"Eli?" I pressed, uneasy by the darkness in the chuckle.

"You've barely been in my company for an hour and you've already cried twice," he explained bitterly. He had sorely misconstrued both events, and I implored him to understand, but he cut me off. "If you honestly think I would ever do something that stupid and risk your safety, I think you should walk home or call Jake," he spat, not even willing to meet my eyes.

"Eli," I tried again, cut off at the same point.

"No, I get it Clare, it's not like I don't know what a… monster everyone thinks I am. Not like I don't believe it half the time." He paused, and I considered my third attempt before he sighed a heavy continuation.

"I just hoped you still saw the human that's in there too."

His final words were not laced in acid. They were sincere and heart wrenching, and part of me wanted to cry again, but this round wouldn't be a happy one, and I couldn't risk pressing his sanity any more than I accidentally had already. He stood up straight, turning away from me and slipping down an adjacent aisle, and I took the hint not to follow him. And suddenly I regretted how I'd been acting all day. My assumptions right off the bat and initial refusal to this outing, the curt behavior to his harmless, and in retrospect gentlemanly gestures. And most of all allowing my mind to drift into memories of such bliss, when those times were now so far off.

He _is_ human. He_ is_ breakable. And if I dared to reach out and touch him right now, he would be soft and warm beneath my fingers.


	6. Or Bends With the Remover to Remove

I don't remember waking up. I barely remember falling asleep. After leaving the library, everything seemed to get fuzzy, and though I should have been thankful for that haze, I couldn't pretend to be comfortable as I lay in bed, painfully awake and remembering everything I said that Eli had taken wrong. Eventually Eli calmed down and did drive me home, but the ride was filled with the most stifling and deafening silence I'd ever experienced. I was crawling out of my skin; the short ride seemed to turn into an eternally winding road, and was so quiet that I could hear his fingers tighten around the steering wheel each time my eyes fell onto him, and the tiny angry breaths in his throat.

He broke abruptly at the curb in front of my house, sitting still and not even turning to face me. I knew it was a hint to get out, both of the car and maybe his life, but I couldn't accept that without trying to fix my mistakes one last time. "Eli," I started, only to be cut off before I could think.

"CeCe needs her car back." His voice was lower than usual, and so even that I could tell he was having a hard time keeping it in check. My mouth hung open, grasping for words to make him stay, just long enough to get back to better terms, or for him to let me explain that I wasn't afraid of him, but he stretched his arm across me, pulling the handle and pushing open the door, making it crystal clear that I wouldn't be granted that today.

I obliged his bitter request, swinging the strap of my book bag over one shoulder and exiting the vehicle. I kept my hand on the door to keep him for a few more seconds. "I'm not done with you, Eli," I announced, shaking my head and staring over at him, silently willing him to turn my way. He did, for the briefest of moments, only to swat away my hand and pull shut the door, speeding off out of my subdivision.

After I replayed the synopsis in my head a few more times, I dragged myself out of bed, dressing and foregoing bothering with the rollers for today, deciding I looked decent enough to face the world how I woke up looking. I was in no mood to impress anyone, nor was there anyone_ to_ impress. Opting out of breakfast too, she lay in bed for a few extra minutes until she heard Jake calling up to her. Rolling back out, she trudged downstairs to where he was leaning against the front door, stopping on the bottom step when she noticed the look on Jake's face. "What?" I muttered, instantly feeling fifty shades of self-conscious.

"Are you okay?"

I didn't move from the landing, halting in place as I blinked up at him. He looked genuinely concerned, something I hadn't needed to see from him in a long while. "I'm fine," I muttered, eyes still locked. "Do I look bad or something?"

"Yeah," he answered, quickly shaking his head free from the daze. "I mean no, not _bad,_ just… well, miserable," he tried again, the look of worry not fading. It shouldn't have surprised me that my looks were telltale of how awful I felt on this morning. I had never been much of an actress, and as much as I loathed admitting it, Jake had grown skillful of reading me. Still, I couldn't let on why or just how off I was today, especially not until I understood why I was still letting one of Eli's grumbling antics affect me so much.

"I'm fine," I insisted again, casting my lying eyes away from Jake's face, not giving him permission to read the fib. "Can we just go?" It took a moment for him to nod, and a longer one for his body to connect with his brain, leading us out to his truck for another equally as uncomfortable ride of silence, the few minutes it took to pull into the lot behind Degrassi and find a parking space. Grateful for the escape, I was thwarted by Jake's hand on my arm, spinning me back to face him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" The concern was back and made my skin feel two sizes too tight. His question was just above a whisper, but he might as well have screamed it across campus for the amount of awkwardness it gave me.

"_No, Jake, I'm not alright. The black and impenetrable hold that my potentially suicidal ex seems to still have over me has put a damper on my otherwise sunshiny day, but I'm sure I'll be back to my old self by third period, no worries, bro."_

I nodded. I couldn't think of anything else to do, and no words came to mind that didn't sound sarcastic and dark, and I was in no mood to give Jake reason to keep playing the big, teddy bear brother card. What with the whiplash ex-boyfriend card, the perpetual peace keeper card, and the numerous Joker cards life had slipped into my deck, I had a full hand as it was, and I was ready to fold.


	7. O No

**A/N: It's my New Year's resolution(s) to get on top of my updating, and to post a new one/two-shot each month, so cross your fingers that I can stick with it. A lot has been going on to keep me away from writing, but I love both of my chapter stories too much to abandon either, and have way too many head canons lurking in my head not to put them on paper… or screen. I'm sorry for making you wait so long, I'm kicking myself, trust me. Enjoy the new chapter, because there's drama to come ;) Happy New Year!**

It didn't take until third period to feel better as I'd imagined, because the first class of the day, the one I shared with my bane as of late, was suspiciously barren of one particular student that morning. It was fairly obvious to me why Eli had chosen not to attend today, but even though it was a massive relief not to spend my hour sorting his sighs into emotions, I couldn't ignore that it stung to be the cause of his absence.

I took my seat, fixated in passing at the empty one behind me, and I quickly found myself wondering what Eli was doing now in place of class. A year ago, I had no doubt that either parent wouldn't think twice about calling him in sick if he was tired or grumpy or avoiding an exam that he swore to them he wasn't. But now? I had no idea where they stood on Eli's academics and the like.

The last I really saw of CeCe or Bullfrog was the night of Eli's play. I sat a few rows behind the two and noticed right away, but hoped for the better part of act one that I could go the night unnoticed. CeCe had spotted me by intermission, but save for a staring contest that lasted four of the most heart wrenching seconds of my life, no words were exchanged. I saw her again a few weeks later at the grocery store, but this time it was her husband to find me first, and unlike the now stoic blonde, he spoke up. It was a brief and awkward few minutes, and as I cast my eyes away to avoid any added tension, I noticed the tempeh in their shopping cart-Eli's favorite. I must have reacted because he pushed the cart away, making up an excuse about needing to be on their way, while carefully avoiding where or to whom they were leaving to join. The moment consisted of a hug, tense but still so familiar, and perhaps the first time he'd addressed me by my given name instead of the warm _Clarabelle_ he'd knighted me upon meeting me.

As I reminisced, Mrs. Shaw was making rounds between rows of desks, collecting papers from the classmates around me, and it was then that I realized I was sitting empty handed. The outline for our project, one worth a large chunk of the project's grade, was due today and Eli had taken it home after our library misadventure. I'm sure that under the circumstance, I could weasel an extension out of her, but I was already on thin and bitter ice over the fooling around that she so wrongly assumed was going on in place of school work with me and Eli. I shuffled through my folder to see if there was anything of substance I could turn in, anything to keep our, or at least _my_ grade afloat since it was now apparent that I was the only one that cared enough to show up. But as anticipated, there was nothing but old graded quizzes and unrelated notes, and by the time Mrs. Shaw had made her way to my desk, I was floundering. I stammered an unintelligible excuse and her eyebrow rose slowly as she probably wondered how I ever made it into an advanced course, let alone one pertaining to the language that was escaping me now.

"Your partner already turned it in," she spoke finally, saving me from my gape. It was my brow raised now, incriminating me against another false assumption. "_One _of you has been working on the project," she breezed, her emphasis making it clear that it wasn't me she was getting at. "Mister Goldsworthy dropped the outline off this morning on his way to the doctor's," she explained, luring my attention.

"Doctor?" I pressed, looking up at her. I'd been with Eli just a day before and he seemed in perfect health… at least in the sense that would require a flu shot. I considered briefly that it could have been the rain or a lack of sleep, but both scenarios were true for me and I felt okay. It felt a little wrong to be discussing Eli's state without his presence or permission, but if Mrs. Shaw would offer any insight, I'd take it. "His father signed him out this morning for a doctor's appointment. He stopped here first to turn in the assignment so it would meet the deadline. He seems dedicated to the assignment, I hope that starts to rub off on you, Clare." Her tone was a little softer now, more like the cheery woman who'd been so eager to recreate the pairing we'd mastered a year earlier. I could tell we were letting her down, or that I was at least, and that our results thus far were nowhere near her expectations, but the history was too grainy and dark for me to easily put myself back in that place, that partnership, those ways. I was expected to do some of my best work since Romeo and Juliet, but I felt too much like Paris, now and I couldn't afford to be the one to fall. Eli already had that blocking memorized, and I was never a fan of remakes.

The bell rang on its own schedule, but I had no reason to rush from the room this time. I gathered my things, keeping to myself while the shroud of classmates made their exits ahead of me, and just as I turned to leave, I noticed the tell-tale blue slip on top of Mrs. Shaw's desk. Her back was turned and I'm not sure what possessed me to do so, but on my way out the door, I reached across her lesson plans and swiped it into my folder, scurrying into the hallway uncaught. Once safely to my locker, I scanned the note to see if there was anything that I was apparently looking for. It was for a doctor's appointment like I'd been told, signed from the office and from Bullfrog. The time was stamped for before homeroom, almost two hours ago. He must be done by now, and since it didn't look like he was coming back to school, it was reasonable to think he'd be home. So with that in mind, I did what any logical teenager would do when dealing with a potentially volatile ex who has had no qualms in showing how little interest he held in being anyway near me presently.

I skipped the rest of the day and headed for his house.


End file.
